YAR Ch. 3 pg 11

pg11full

Happy monday, all.

Here’s the next page for ya.
I’m currently back home, and I’m likely going to be taking advantage of this break to see how many comics I can get drawn.
And also to play pen-and-paper RPGs.
And sketches.
Which will arrive hopefully on Wednesday.

Until then, I suppose!

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5 thoughts on “YAR Ch. 3 pg 11

      • I’m not talking about your panels, but more about your dialogue and story flow. Randall says he secured the ring “through masculine display.” This reminds me of your “Calvin and the Dogfish” story earlier, so I wonder if Randall is Calvin. That part confuses me.
        And then the creatures start to talk about something “in his leg jaws.” Am I supposed to know what that is that he has?
        At the end, Lovecraft takes off the ring multiple times and nothing happens. Why did he expect something to happen, and if the ring gave him power over the creatures, why would he want to take it off?
        Overall, your dialogue is a little confusing, and it’s sometimes hard to understand the various characters motivations for their actions. Sometimes it seems like they just act at random.

        I see that you might be trying to make your story a little weird, with the dialogue and characters and events, but if your story becomes to confusing, your reader will give up and stop reading.

        You’re a good artist, but I think your storytelling needs a little work. I do like your comics, though, and I am happy whenever I see you post another page.
        \[^^]/

      • Wait a moment . . .
        After writing that previous reply, I went and realized that I hadn’t read the whole story. I read your story on your tumblr page because clicking “older posts” over and over (is that button really necessary? couldn’t you just make it display them all at once), but now that I got to the bottom, and read YAR Chapter 1, I understand your story a bit better (why didn’t you put chapter 1 on tumblr?).
        But still, after Randall got the ring for a second, and it was stolen by the bird, he never appeared to get it back. It looked like he just forgot about it.
        Even after reading the beginning, I still find your story a little hard to follow. Many things happen too suddenly and are not well explained.

        Sorry if I’m being too critical.

      • It’s perfectly fine; I’m learning as I go along! I suppose Lovecraft thought that the fishmen would cease being animated if he took off the ring; as for the “leg jaws” it’s just dialect, and they’re referring to his pocket. Thanks for continuing to read; I appreciate it!

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